Using Observation to Build Relationships

When you observe, slow down, listen, pause and reflect…

What simple words with power which may never be realized…

During this year, I have stood in different locations around the school and watched the students and staff. I have tried to move about making eye contact with students and staff, giving a smile and sharing a cheery hello to all I meet. It has brought some interesting reactions from students. From most, I receive a smile and a “Good morning, teacher.” From a number, especially if they are in groups, I have received giggles and side-wards glances. On several occasions, from the middle of a group comes a comment which is meant to be funny but to some has been perceived to be disrespectful.

Because of this observation, I decided to observe one young lady because she would reply to my “Good morning” with giggles and comments. She always had a bit of a mischievous look in her eye, but was quick to smile. I tried to make some type of contact with her as often as possible. After several weeks, as she passed my office, she often took a moment to look in and say a few words then go giggling off with her friends. I began to try to catch her alone in other parts of the school. Again, I would make eye contact and say hello. It amazed me to watch her eyes brighten, a smile come to her face and a hello from her lips. When alone, she would often ask, “How are you, teacher?” Still, when with others, she would giggle and go off with her friends.

Last week, as I was opening our office and was getting settled, the same young lady appeared at the door with a large bag in her hand. She had a great big smile as she reached into her bag and pulled out her hat for Hat Day. It was decorated with dark colored chicken feathers, ribbons and flowers. It was truly delightful! I asked her about the hat. In her broken English, she shared that her mom had helped her decorate it; the chicken feathers were from their chickens; and she brought it for Hat Day. The following Sunday, she received a certificate for having a special hat. I took time to seek her out and congratulate her.

A couple days later, she stopped me on the stairs. She was with friends, but instead of saying. “Hello, teacher.” and giggling as she walked away, she carefully showed me the pictures in her hand. They were pictures of her dressed in a formal dress and posing for the camera. I am sure it was for a family album. I was honored and told her how much I appreciated that she shared her pictures and how beautiful she looked in them.

Because of an observation, I made a decision to open communication. Through limited and non-verbal communication, a student began to communicate on a new level. I do not know how much more this student will open up and share with me. I do know that she has changed her attitude of “teasing” to an attitude of trusting enough to share.

I truly believe that observation is a very powerful tool, and that even with language barriers, communication can be built and attitudes changed.